How can sex therapy help?
Of the 5000 people a year that visit psychosexual therapists at Relate, 93% say their sex life improves 'significantly' following therapy. So what happens?
Most of us struggle with sex at some time in our lives, often after childbirth or around the menopause. In longer term relationships familiarity can be a turn off. Sex therapists are trained to help with all difficulties.
The number one problem for women is loss of desire, and for men erection problems top the list. Men and women are often a mystery to each other sexually, and therapy helps to explore the very different desire and arousal cycles of the sexes.
Men famously have a brain/penis hotline (they have 10 times the testosterone!) whereas arousal for women involves feeling close and loved, and courted beforehand. Vielle products can help women take more responsibility for high arousal or orgasm - practising alone keeps things ticking over nicely!
Having an open conversation with a sympathetic, trained person present can be liberating! What are the things that turn us on? We all have a 'love map' of experiences and feelings that give us pleasure - what are they and how can we make them work in a couple scenario? A session with a therapist can reveal all!
Sex therapy is hands off in the therapy room but 'homework' can include non sexual massage leading slowly to a greater sexual choice - there's a lot on offer as well as intercourse!
The Vielle products have an important part to play - bringing home the shopping was never so much fun, and it can start an interesting evening!
What to expect when you visit a sex therapist....
Usually you will meet with your therapist weekly or fortnightly at the same time/place - he/she will not judge you or take sides, but offer trained, impartial support and facilitation.
The main aim of relationship therapy is improvement in communication. You may explore the families you both came from to get an idea of the different ways you think about relationships, usually modeled by your parents.
You will also look at how to negotiate change. What needs to be done by both of you to get things back on track?
What might be discussed in a session...
Understanding why you are both where you are now.
Q: What was it that attracted you to your partner in the first place? Do those things now drive you nuts?
A: Yes! This is common and reflects human beings' drive to make up our 'missing bits'- our partners often have the characteristics/qualities we don't have. Lots of our attractions occur on unconscious levels - that's why relationships are often confusing!
It helps to...
1. Ask your partner for what you want. Contrary to popular belief, clairvoyance has no place in couple communication.
2. Avoid blaming your partner for a problem in the relationship. Address all problems as if you both contribute to them.
3. Listen even when you disagree. Understanding your partner's position about something is not the same as agreeing with it.
4. Laugh together! Share jokes or times that have been funny.
5. Know that our relationship with ourselves needs to be functional before we can successfully be with another person.
